I'm fine now, but last night I felt binge-y for the first time in months. It's kinda hard to describe what that feels like, but basically the only thought going through my mind is "Food. Food. Food. Now." I knew it was coming up because I've been feeling overwhelmed with everything on my schedule, plus dealing with major PMS symptoms, but acknowledging that overwhelming frustration wasn't helping to quell the physical manifestation of my eating disorder memories.
Here's what I did. First, I made sure I consumed a delicious, balanced meal that was comforting emotionally to me (a PB&J sandwich with brussels sprouts and yogurt with granola). Then, while sipping a cup of burdock root tea (supposedly grounding), I made a list of things I could do to not binge.1. Take a walk
2. Big lollipop
3. Chew gum
4. Breathe deeply
5. Take a shower/bath
6. Talk to a loved one (not necessarily about wanting to binge, but about what's going on in my life)
7. Hug Julius
8. Read Blogs
10. Read a book I love from my childhood (usually a Judy Blume or Beverly Cleary book)
11. Positive Affirmations
12. Listen to relaxation CD
I made it to about #8 before the binge-y feelings finally subsided. A lot of you had bad days yesterday too, and I felt a little less alone in the world. Hopefully those of you feeling blue are doing better today, like moi.
What would be on your list?
Before bed I had a long talk with Abe about what had almost happened - it's important that my biggest supporter knows what works for me (he had been out celebrating the Phillies victory with some friends, which is why I was by myself.) I also made myself some overnight oats:
This morning after a half hour of upper body weights in front of the TV, I ate this beautiful and delicious concoction.
After running errands for my new part-time job, I made a sandwich with multigrain bread, lettuce, Dijon, Applegate Farms Organic Uncured Ham, and Applegate Farms Yogurt Cheese.
Plus some frozen brussels sprouts, with a TB of TJ's Pineapple Salsa, S&P:
With an organic pear and a Yummy Earth lollipop in Mango Tango...
Now I'm off again! My own errands, acupuncture, packing for San Diego, hopefully a walk with Julius, and dinner/Yankees game with friends.
What do you do to fight off a binge?
Labels: eating disorders